When we think of au pairs, we tend to picture a young woman happily doing crafts, playing with the children and prepping snacks. What if you pictured a male au pair instead?
Did that make you feel a little uncomfortable? Don’t worry — you’re not alone. As a society, we’ve been conditioned to trust mainly women with childcare. Until our partners become fathers, many have never done much childcare at all, and because they’ve rarely seen men looking after, cooking for and caring for children, they don’t always trust other men around their own.
If our children only ever see female role models, that belief won’t change. Yet ask the families who host male au pairs and many choose them every time. Here’s why.
Male au pairs are often more experienced
Because it’s harder for young men to find work with children, they often have to offer more experience to meet the (unconsciously) higher bar set for them. Many arrive with years of summer-camp experience and a sports background coaching children of all ages, so they’ve managed large groups and seen the full range of emotions kids go through. Naturally, they’re well practised at entertaining children and keeping them in check. Many also have younger siblings, including little girls, so they understand younger children and how girls and boys differ.
Male au pairs are great role models
Children love being around people who inspire them. Boys especially look up to male role models, and depending on your au pair’s talents — film-making, gaming, sport — your kids will naturally pick up skills suited to their future. Children often crave a trusted person to talk to who isn’t a parent, and an au pair can be exactly that buddy. And isn’t it wonderful for children to grow up seeing that men can be anything they want to be — that they can cook, clean and care for children too?
They’re great at keeping kids active
Children have a lot of energy — you know it, I know it. I could last about five minutes on the trampoline; my kids could go for hours. When you can’t be active with them, they tend to head straight for their devices. A young, energetic au pair who spends hours outdoors — teaching soccer or basketball, or playing with the dog — is a genuine life-changer.
They share the load
If you’ve ever read The Wife Drought by Annabel Crabb (well worth a read, or a listen on Audible), you’ll know the argument that women struggle to reach equal footing because they’re missing “a wife” — someone who supports the daily juggle and catches the balls before they drop. Male au pairs don’t just help prep dinner and read with the children; they’ll carry them on their shoulders while wrangling the school bags. By hosting a male au pair, we show our children that men can — and want to — do it all. And often we confront our own conditioning, learning to be managers and mentors rather than mothers.