Setting clear expectations for your au pair and your family is the key to success. You should outline the details in your family profile and discuss them with candidates before they arrive, but here are some strategies to boost your chances of a near-perfect au pair experience.
Prepare your children for your au pair’s arrival
I’ve worked with families who have recently been through a divorce, a death, a move to a new home or school, or a switch from a nanny to an au pair. Any change can be hard for a child, so it’s important to involve them in the process if they’re old enough to understand it. Once you’ve found the best au pair for your family (or narrowed it down to your top two or three), get your kids on the video call to meet their potential au pair. Let them ask questions and express themselves, and let the candidate get to know their future host kids. If you like several candidates equally, ask your children what they like or don’t like about each — what matters to them? I’m not suggesting you base the decision entirely on your child’s wishes, but including them helps your child feel empowered, welcoming and involved when the au pair arrives. After all, this person will spend much of their time with your little one. Ask your kids: is one sillier? More organised? More talkative? Sportier? What draws them to a particular candidate?
Show your child you’re a team
Once you’ve chosen the one, it’s important for the children to know that you, the host parents, and the au pair are a team — together you make the family stronger. Your au pair is there to help, and every family member should be welcoming to ensure success. Build in some time for all of you to spend together; whether it’s a couple of hours or a full day of transitional care, this orientation period puts everyone at ease and shows your child that you trust your au pair. By the time your first day away arrives, the transition will feel natural — and your child will see they’ve gained a new companion rather than lost a parent.
Share your household rules
It may seem obvious to you that the kitchen table is wiped after use, or the stroller folded and put in the garage — but it may not be obvious to your au pair. Share your household rules and expectations before you offer the job, then again on day one and throughout the first weeks. It’s perfectly fine to offer constructive feedback about what you’d like done differently. Remember: different language, different culture, different household — it’s a lot to take in, and with guidance your au pair will get there. What you shouldn’t do is ignore what’s bothering you; that’s the surest way for small annoyances to snowball. I highly recommend creating a household handbook for your expectations, family personality and rules. Give your au pair a copy before they arrive, review it once they’ve settled in, and revisit any missed sections a couple of weeks later, so they can always check back if they’re unsure. Remember, au pairs are not professional nannies — with guidance and preparation, you’re setting everyone up for success.
Talk, talk, and more talk
Even small details matter — but too much information in those first few days can be overwhelming. English isn’t the first language for most au pairs, and even when it is, they still have to get used to your family. There’s a lot about your household you may not realise until you start explaining it. Before your au pair starts, I recommend writing a daily communication log that outlines a typical day for your child, and emailing it ahead so they can get familiar with it. Include things like what calms your child when they’re upset, meal choices and acceptable activities. Even the best caregivers can’t remember everything, so keep the information at their fingertips. A communication log is easy to follow and especially handy for things that change, like activities, birthday parties or the groceries you need on a given day.
Be a model
During those introductory visits or the first 72 hours, model the kind of interactions you want your au pair to have with your child. Actions speak louder than words, so use your time together as instruction as much as information.
You’ve done a lot of work to find the one — so let’s start on the right foot. With guidance from the beginning and plenty of communication, you’ll set your au pair up for success, your children will feel safe and secure with their confident new au pair, and you can relax knowing they’re in great hands.